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Teach me to be Humble.

12/31/2015

The next morning, I had this knot in my stomach realizing I was not going to be able to stay with David that evening. Examining the surroundings did not help ease my apprehension about the facility and wondered about the treatment that David would receive while I wasn’t there. Family and friends reassured me of their constant prayers and that is what I treasured the most. If God was with us, who could be against us?

Ana Carolina and I.

Then Ana Carolina told me that God had given me 24hrs/7days for 2 months next to David at the hospital. It was time for me to get real rest. “Stay strong mom, no matter what… there is no going back, we only move forward. Things will be okay”, she said.

This was going to be a longer journey that we had planned for. How long? Only God could know. I definitely needed to rest and remain strong as I continued to learn the ins and outs of what all this meant. I began writing down the new routines and the staff names. There were new procedures, new schedules and expectations from the CNA’s, the nurses and doctors. The administrator came to meet us and I thanked him for their understanding the night before.

David’s corner had a wide and tall window, which made me very happy. He would be able to see the world outside. His roommates were: Domingo, a 92 yr old man who had no family and had been living there for quite a while. Next was Don Carlos, a man in his 50’s who had fallen from a roof and hit his head on concrete, suffered a brain and spinal cord injury and remained at the facility for long-term care and therapy. Right in front was Stucky, a young man in his early 30’s whose left leg had been amputated and had been living at the facility for almost 2 years.

Nursing Home at NW 22nd Ave.

Many nurses and CNA’s came to meet David and those in charge of him would refer to David as their baby. “Come meet my new baby”, they would say. I found it awkward and it kind of bothered me inside but I just prayed in silence and smiled. I thought that I would rather be on their good side because eventually I would have to go and leave him with them.

I observed how the staff brought breakfast, lunch and dinner to the roommates, did their hygiene and treated them. David had a feeding tube that had been turned on and he was being turned sideways every two hours to protect him from bed sores. David kept looking at me every time someone would come in or attended to his care and I would just smile.

All of a sudden I became aware of the time. I had been so immersed in that day’s schedule I had totally forgotten it was almost time to say good night to David and leave. I wasn’t going to cry in front of him – I wanted to show myself strong and optimistic to encourage him to do the same. I played a spiritual instrumental music on a CD player until he fell asleep. Ana Carolina came to pick me up around 10:00pm. After 2 months next to David day and night, leaving him was so hard to do. I had to trust that David would be OK.

Aunt Flor

I got to Aunt Flor’s house where she had prepared a spare room for me to stay. I was so happy to see her. As I lay down, I set up the alarm for 5:00 am and I prayed myself to sleep.

From Aunt Flor’s house it took me around 15 minutes to get to the nursing home. As soon as I arrived, I rolled open the curtains and ran to give David a kiss. I had made it through the night without him. I knew it would get easier with time. I open the window blinds to let the sunshine in.

Eddy picked me up.

Just as Eddy had promised, he picked me up to visit other nursing homes. We were on a mission. We would not mention of our escapade to the current facility until we had all the needed paperwork to transfer David to a nicer looking long-term home. I continued to place everything in Mother Mary’s and Jesus’ hands. I only wanted to do God’s will.

The first facility we visited was part of the Jackson Memorial Hospital System, which meant that the transfer would possibly be smoother. The place was bright, big, the rooms where spacious and the facility was newer. There was a garden and a big therapy room. David’s name happened to be on the administrator’s list indicating that he had been scheduled to arrive at their facility, which brought tears of joy to my face. After a few phone calls, he proceeded to inform us that the health insurance would not allow for the transfer.

We then visited a nursing home in Coral Gables whose administrator explained our options and assured us that David would be well taken care of. The facility was impressively bright with wide screen TV’s, cable in every room, a well furnished dining room and lobby for the guests. I felt relieved. All we had to do was to sign paperwork and they would take care of the rest.

Eddy and I remained silent on our way back to the nursing home where David was. We sat in the car at the parking lot. There was a decision to be made. We prayed together. Then I asked Eddy, “What do you think?” He responded, “Mom, Jesus was born in a manger”. All of a sudden I felt this overwhelming peace which invaded my heart and I knew the answer. God could not speak any louder – we were at the right place. The decision was made… we stay!

Jesus was born in a manger.

Humility is the attribute of not thinking I am better than other people. If I have truly understood about being humble then I will find myself free from pride, self-importance, egotism, arrogance and from being conceited. Being humble encourages me to examine my motives and attitude. Humility is not a sign of weakness. Being humble I can be unafraid, courageous, brave and spirited and comfortable with whom I am in Christ. It is to recognize where my true strength lies. Being humble is recognizing my dependence in the Lord. It means to walk in the grace and love of God and help build others. True humility produces peace and joy even when I don’t achieve the results I am hoping for.

Quotes
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

“As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

(Romans 8:31; Philippians 2:3; James 4:6,10)

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Learning to trust.

12/18/2015

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Jackson Memorial Hospital

Word came that David was going to be moved again. The hospital’s representative in charge of the move came into the room and quickly looked at some of David’s equipment. As she rushed out of the room hinted that I get all my belongings together to leave the next day. I didn’t have a time of departure but she had mentioned morning so I immediately packed all of David and my stuff. I had heard that the family could stay at a room near the acute rehabilitation area close to their loved ones. We had been anticipating for this next step. I called everyone with the great news. David would be moving on his 28th Birthday.

The next morning I sang Happy Birthday to David and gave thanks to the Lord for his life. The staff came in to wish us well and to say their goodbyes. One of them recommended I check out the facility before leaving the hospital. At first her advice seemed strange until I learned it was not the acute rehab center David was being moved to but to a skilled nursing facility instead, which provided specialized care for those who needed long-term care to recover and were not able to be cared for at home.

Not only was I surprised and confused but I had this sense of urgency to find out the details of how and who had made the decision and what criterion was used for this determination. The hospital’s Psychologist came to talk to me and discussed the fact that paperwork stated David was at Rancho Scale 3 and the acute rehab required at least a 4. In addition to that, he explained that David could not keep his head up on his own and his response to showing tongue and 2 fingers was too slow to what it prevented his admission to the acute rehab center. With tears in my eyes, I insisted he verified David’s stage on the Rancho Scale and at my request he sent for a physical therapist to do the assessment.

As this was taking place, the floor staff was gathering all of David’s medical equipment, packing his medicines, and coordinating with the transportation crew. I prayed that the therapist would hurry up with the assessment so that the Psychologist would reverse the decision. As I had alleged - after the commands given to David by the therapist, he demonstrated to have reached stage 4. There was a moment of silence and then the Psychologist proceeded to rephrase earlier remarks and carried on with the task at hand of sending David off to the new facility. In my heart I realized paperwork had been done, the decision had been made and it was too late to make any changes. There was no use on keeping the Psychologist any longer listening to my plea. It satisfied me that he knew as well as I did that David had progressed. I thanked him for listening and he left.

I signed all the exit paperwork and waited for transportation to arrive. There was no time to say goodbye to all the wonderful people, which had become my family during these 2 months.

My trust had been placed on the Lord and this was the opportunity for me to show my faith in Him and to let go. I didn’t know what all of this meant but I was certain God was at our side. There had to be a purpose why all this was happening in the manner it was unfolding.

So many of David’s friends and colleagues continued to ask how he was doing. Eddy and Ana Carolina messaged everyone by phone and through Facebook that they would be celebrating David’s birthday at Segafredo that evening and invited all to join them. This would give them the chance to bring everyone up to date on David’s condition and answer any questions.

Around 7:00 pm the transportation crew came in with the stretcher. They carried a serious expression and no matter what I said, they only answered with a short yes or no. They didn’t seem interested in carrying on a conversation to what I refrained from initiating any and off we went to the new place on NW 22nd Ave. I had my bags on the back of the special van with David. It was the first time, he would experience being in a car and he just starred out the window with a nervous-fear like expression on his face. I assured him that everything would be all right as I caressed his hands.

JM Skilled Nursing facility.

When we arrived, I noticed the building was dark and not very appealing. The paint clearly indicated it was not well maintained. As we entered the facility, it was pretty quiet and only a few people were in the lobby who watched us head towards the elevator to the 2nd floor. No one spoke. Immediately exiting the elevator, the crew made a turn at the first room to the right. The room was dark and hospital cubicle curtains separated the room into 4 spaces. The corner to the left had the hospital bed overhead lights on, with a small chair and a table. As I scrutinized the room I noticed 3 other men already tucked in their beds. I had been told that David would be going to a private room, which had a couch for me to stay. My mind started analyzing the situation. If there were other men in the room, where would I be sleeping?

All of a sudden, 2 nurses and a CNA came in the room to welcome David. They introduced themselves and then continued to assure me they would take good care of David and that I didn’t have to worry about him. They mentioned this was David’s new home now and commented I could leave, that he was in good hands and that I could visit him at any time I wished to do so.

I went into a panic. This was not what I had planned. I had not been told I was leaving David. It had already been such a stressful and emotional day, I couldn’t believe this was happening. I broke down. I was crying so deeply it felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I picked up the phone and called Eddy. He said he was leaving Segafredo immediately to meet me at the nursing facility.

As they tried to console me, the night Supervisor came to see me and realized the situation. I begged her to allow me to stay and promised to remain very quiet. I explained how I felt blind-sided to it all and begged her to make an exception. She asked the other nurses to bring me a special chair so that I could sleep and apologized to me for the poor protocol on the hospital’s way of handling David’s exit. She asked for me to understand the exception she was making that evening but that I couldn’t stay after that. She reassured me I was welcome to visit David anytime. I hugged her and thanked her.
Eddy came in and assessed the situation. I broke down again but this time it was of joy of seeing him there. He offered to stay but I wasn’t emotionally ready to leave. Eddy told David that many of his friends came to his party and wished him well. He thanked everyone for allowing me to stay with David, I gave him a kiss and he left to join Ana Carolina.

It was David’s birthday. It felt as if I had been through labor pains
the entire day. One day I will be in the full light of our Lord and see the big picture but for now I was learning how to deeply trust God even when I couldn’t understand. I had to let go. I rolled the curtain, turned off the lights, stood still and quietly fell asleep.

Letting go is scary. Letting go doesn't mean we sit back and do nothing… we do our part. That which we have no control over we give it to God to handle. We let go of the feelings of unworthiness, the doubts, anxieties, the fears and worries. When I focused on how much God loves us it becomes easier to trust Him. Let go and let God.

We keep in our hearts and prayers so many special people at the Jackson Memorial ICU in Miami: Leo (PA), Leslie, Marbel, Katherine, Miguel and Jillian (RIP) and from the 9th floor so many to thank but specially: Irene, Mary K, Alex, Dexter, Natasha, Ivette and Michel. To priests Fr. Dominique and Fr. Martin thank you for your beautiful ministry and commitment.

(Psalms 46: 2-3; Proverbs 3:5-6)

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God's Footprints.

12/3/2015

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I left to Miami the next morning after dad’s funeral. So many different emotions dealt with. A part of my heart stayed behind and the other couldn’t wait to see David.

The pink chair was introduced to sit him semi-upright.

At the hospital, the CNA’s sat David up on a special chair, which we called the pink chair, because of the color. While they monitored his blood pressure, he would learn to remain semi-upright, as it helped to decrease any vertigo/dizzy spell he would be experiencing. CNA Irene became a dear one in our midst. She kept David as comfortable as possible.

The ninth floor staff would educate us further on signs to watch for. His hands would constantly tremble and it appeared that he would try to speak moving his tongue and lips. He wore a neck brace, which David did not like at all and attempted many times to convince everyone and anyone to take it off. He kept the brace until one afternoon Jorge realized it had slit opened his skin on the back of his head and never wore it again.

In one of Father Martin’s visits, we learned he had been the professor of Father Dominique, who we had hosted at home in one of his mission’s trip from Africa to the USA in 2005. What a small world. It felt as if God connected his dots wherever it was needed.
How many special people we continue to meet.

David’s old work team at Bayside Hut in Key Biscayne visited and related stories of their “super boss”. His bosses at Segafredo-Brickell visited him with their families one afternoon and lead a powerful and beautiful prayer filled with genuine affection. We continuously recognized the grace of being part of a community that gave, cared and loved.

Many times I would meditate on a need or a personal desire and prayed about it and soon enough someone dear or new would appear with the answer or support. This caused me to suggest how God moves our hearts for one another to answer a prayer and it is up to us to respond to the movement in our hearts. It makes us participants of the wonders and miracles we so long await for. It also made me reflect on the times we are so entertained with noise or so fixed on our concerns that we miss becoming that piece of the puzzle in someone’s life. And then what about those who are indifferent or don’t believe in God. Is everyone capable of being receptive to the movement of God’s voice or Spirit?

On June 20th, as we were practicing some sounds with David, he started moving his toes followed by moving both legs bending his knees. I ran to record it. We starred and hoped he could repeat it, especially on command. This meant for us the possibility of moving into the acute rehabilitation area where he would learn how to walk, talk and regain all the muscle control to live a normal life and become independent again.

That same week I had the most beautiful dream. My dad opened the room door and walked towards David to fix his head straight on his pillow. I told dad he looked so handsome and he just smiled at me and left. When I woke up all I could think of was about this great feeling of contentment.

On June 26, they changed his tracheotomy tube, which had a cap on, designed to help with the sounds of speech. Things were looking bright. The speech therapist visited us and gave us daily homework to stimulate and increase his mouth sensory awareness.

My partner, best friend and husband Jorge.

Life started to take shape for all of us as we struggled with the changes and emotions of the day-to-day challenges and progress. Ana Carolina, Eddy and wife Karina shared an apartment in Coral Gables where Jorge would stay as he traveled back and forth from Orlando and Miami once or twice a week. I remember waiting anxiously to see Jorge and literally crying to see him go. He was now the only one working. I knew he had to go to work but my heart wished he wouldn’t have to leave. Even though we were only 4 hours away it was hard and different to juggle life far from each other.

Ana Carolina & Eddy

As weeks went by, the room in the 9th floor became my special corner. In the middle of the noises and the in and out visits of nurses and doctors, I reflected about life; that we are just specs in the universe; and on what is the meaning of life without love and helping each other. How I was so vulnerable and emotionally delicate yet I felt strong and purposeful every day ready to do what was in store moment-by-moment. This fortitude and strength of mind carried me from the morning until I would fall asleep. The “Footprints in the Sand” poem connected and continuously spoke to my heart. The Lord was certainly carrying me.

Trusting in the Lord, working wholehearted with what is at hand, emerging unconditionally into your present reality provides an empowerment, which can ultimately define a stronger better tomorrow.

(Isaiah 25:1; Proverbs 4:25)

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Authors

My son, David Arroyo and I, Ana Curras, collaborate together. This is our story. Our story because we are connected. We all are. When you hurt, I hurt, when you succeed, I succeed, when you have joy, I do too. It's in our design as human beings. Our story is intended to give hope, joy, encouragement and light. We pray to be inspired by our Creator, guided by Jesus Christ, moved by the Holy Spirit and accompanied by our Mother Mary.
We believe.

NOTE: Bible verses referred to in each post are linked to open to the verses for your convenience.